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Laid off in 2024, part 13: One day, in retrospect, you’ll remember this time as beautiful

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ℹ️ TL;DR: While wandering around the streets of Austin, Texas, I unknowingly stumbled into Twitch/OnlyFans streamer PeachJars’ “Free Advice 4 Charity” table, and hilarity ensued. Scroll down to see the video!

Tuesday evening

“How do you stay optimistic?”

This is what someone who’d attended my talk at Civo Navigate North America 2024 asked me during the social event at the end of the conference’s first day.

“What do you mean?” I asked, because I wasn’t sure what he was referring to.

“At the start of your talk, you mentioned that you were recently laid off. It’s brutal out there right now, but you wouldn’t know it from the way you gave your talk. You look like you were having fun.”

Me, at the start of my talk at Civo Navigate North America 2024.
Photo by Jay Boisseau. Tap to view at full size.

“Maybe I’m wired that way,” I replied. “But it’s also that this isn’t my first layoff. I find that things go better if you have a firm belief that you can make things better.”

“In fact,” I added, “because this isn’t my first rodeo (hey, we were in Texas; I’m supposed to use that metaphor!), I know that inside the rough times, there are a lot of surprising good times baked in.

Thursday morning

This was the day after the conference. It was morning, and my flight wouldn’t depart until 6:15 p.m. I had a couple of choices:

My hotel — the Moxy Austin.

Option 1: Hunker down in the hotel lobby and continue the job search. After all, it is a brutal job market at the moment, even for people with my experience.

The Moxy’s lobby isn’t so much a hotel lobby as it is a pretty nice hangout space with good free wifi and coffee, lots of tables and power outlets, good music, a bar, and a nice taco restaurant. I could easily get a lot of job search work done there, which some might say would be the smart thing to do with that time.

Mural near my hotel.

Option 2: Leave my bags at the hotel, break a twenty-dollar bill into small change, strap on the accordion, take in the sights, sounds, and people of Austin, and make some people’s days a little odder (and hopefully better).

You’ve probably already guessed what I did.

I met Ryan the busker on Guadalupe Street.
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I met Ryan the busker at Guadalupe and 23rd and put a fiver in his bucket. In exchange, he invited me to play Tom Petty’s Free Fallin’ with him, and as a Florida musician, I am legally required to be able to play Tom Petty. We had fun.

A number of people at the nearby bus stop shot video of us, so you might see it floating around the internet.

Free advice for charity

PeachJars’ “Free Advice” table.
Tap to view at full size.

The breakout moment of my walk was when I passed by a table that was promoting free advice for charity, where the charity was Alveus, an exotic animal sanctuary that provides permanent homes to non-releasable exotic animals.

A cheerful young woman sat at the table, flanked by another holding a sign, and a third running what looked like a streaming camera rig. I confirmed the “streaming” part when I saw that the table had a sign that showed the seated woman’s Twitch URL.

PeachJars, I thought. Cute name. I’ll have to look up that channel later.

Rather than tell you what happened next, let me just show you the segment of her stream where I appeared. And be sure to read the stream of comments in the right column!

Quite possibly the first (and maybe last) time that I have been called a GIGACHAD.

Later, on my flight back to Tampa, I looked up PeachJars online. It turns out that she’s a popular Twitch streamer who also has an OnlyFans account. This may be the only time I’ll ever be in a video with an OnlyFans artist!

😘 My thanks to PeachJars and company for being so kind!

Lunch with new friends

Tap to view the original post on LinkedIn.

I had posted earlier on LinkedIn that I was in Austin for the day and asked if anyone wanted to do lunch. Luckily, Connor Brown, Noah Birrer, and Jacob Colvin answered the call, and we got together at Iron Works Barbecue, where Noah covered my lunch and I enjoyed the conversation so much that I forgot to take a picture.

Find the good times in the bad

I could’ve stayed in the hotel and worked on my job search, and I might be a few hours ahead today. But because I chose to step out onto the streets of Austin — a city that I don’t see every day — I had experiences I wouldn’t have otherwise had, met people I wouldn’t have otherwise met, and my headspace is even readier for the hustle.

I now have a better answer for the person who asked me how I stay optimistic while being laid off. It’s because I set out to find the good times in the bad. If you’re laid off, see if you can do the same.

I’ll close with this quote from Sigmund Freud that I’ve been hearing repeated lately:

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Laid off in 2024, part 12: Lessons from “The Martian” and other notes

I’m in Austin this week to deliver a talk at the Civo Navigate North America conference — so posting might be a little light this week. But here’s part 12 of the “Laid Off in 2024” series!

Lessons from The Martian

If you like sci-fi and are looking for inspiration as you make your way through the process of finding your next gig after being laid off, I recommend the audiobook version of The Martian, the book by Andy Weir that became the film of the same name starring Matt Damon.

While the film gave us STEM majors a memorable line that we’ll quote forever — “I’m gonna have to science the shit out of this” — the book tells a deeper story of perseverance, problem-solving, and perspicacity that is nothing short of inspiring.

I’m not exaggerating about the “inspiring” bit either. Whenever I’m working on a tough problem and I can’t figure out a solution, I put the audiobook version of The Martian on and put it on in the background. Listening to how stranded Mars astronaut Mark Watney assess the situation he’s in and uses his knowledge and the materials on hand to survive for 531 sols (those are Martian days, the equivalent of 546 days on Earth) has somehow helped me to:

  • Relearn enough JavaScript and learn enough React to build a little web application that assembled a report for a telecom cost-optimization review, which a major tech vendor sold as part of their suite of services.
  • Build the Python script that generates the weekly list of Tampa Bay tech, entrepreneur, and nerd events. It’s no simple assignment, as it must counter Meetup.com’s anti-scraping countermeasures.
  • Write Augmented Reality in Android with Google’s Face API, my first Android programming article for RayWenderlich.com (now Kodeco), despite not ever having built an Android app or used Google’s API for detecting and tracking facial features.
  • Pass my “audition” for Auth0 (now owned by Okta), where I had to write an application using tech I’d never used before (Auth0 and Spring Boot) and an article about that application.

If you find yourself feeling stuck, read The Martian or give the audiobook version a listen! As a treat, here’s the audiobook version, as uploaded to YouTube by a soul who doesn’t fear the copyright cops:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYGuGzmVleI

Peter Wheeler’s take on nondisparagement clauses

I know Peter Wheeler from my time at Auth0/Okta, where we met through initiatives where Auth0 would help out nonprofit organizations. He’s a sweet, solid guy, and he’s so willing to help out that if I had to assemble a crack team of a dozen people to save the world, he’d be one of the first people I’d call.

Peter gave me the idea to include something nice for the team that would have to deal with the company laptop when I shipped it back to them. That team also experienced, and they probably were feeling disheartened by the layoffs and having to process the laid-off people’s gear. I tell the whole story in an earlier post, The Box Came Back the Very Next Day.

In response to another post of mine, The Dreaded Non-Disparagement Clause, Peter posted a response on LinkedIn which bears repeating here:

The reality is – if you’ve got the time and energy to be talking about anything, it should be about what’s next and who you are. Not dramatically rehashing the past. Even in venting.

And with layoffs, who cares? There are thousands of colloquialisms and parables to answer any question that might be posed about your time and your relationship with the organization. “One door closes, another opens.” “Gave me time to pursue….” “Helped me see…”

My favorite, ever, and that I’ve adopted for myself when leaving roles and organizations – that came from someone I was hiring who was pursuing a title and duties drop –

“I exhausted the ways I could positively contribute”

That goes into so much, so easily, without saying anything. Lack of culture alignment. Role no longer what you signed up for. Team issues.

Feel compelled to be honest? “At this point in my career I’m looking for an organization and role that ‘positive statements’…” > “well I know what I don’t want to go through again”

Same thing. Different vibe you personally put off. And different risk in this case.

“Would you work there again?”
Is a very different question than
“Would you go back to working there?”

One is quantum unrestricted :)
Rambling. Bye

He also linked to this classic from the great jazz keyboardist Fats Waller that summarizes the definitive answer to the non-disparagement clause question: You Run Your Mouth, I’ll Run My Business…

Advice from the global financial crisis of 2008 (and Douglas Rushkoff)

Laid Off Still Life (2008, Joey de Villa, mixed media.)
This is the stuff I packed at the office after my first layoff.
Here’s the original article from October 7, 2008.

Way back in October 2008 (this blog goes back to August 2006), I was laid off for the first time. I made the announcement in a post called This Gun’s for Hire…

…and wrote my first-ever series of articles on being laid off, Terminated, starting with The Very First Things You Should Do When Laid Off:

In a follow-up article titled How I’ll Ride Out the Layoff and the Credit Crunch: Friends, I cited technology, media and pop culture writer Douglas Rushkoff, whose essay, Riding Out the Credit Collapse, had a suggestion for riding out the global financial crisis going on at the time. It’s equally applicable to the Great Layoff going on right now:

Whatever the case, the best thing you can do to protect yourself and your interests is to make friends. The more we are willing to do for each other on our own terms and for compensation that doesn’t necessarily involve the until-recently-almighty dollar, the less vulnerable we are to the movements of markets that, quite frankly, have nothing to do with us.

If you’re sourcing your garlic from your neighbor over the hill instead of the Big Ag conglomerate over the ocean, then shifts in the exchange rate won’t matter much. If you’re using a local currency to pay your mechanic to adjust your brakes, or your chiropractor to adjust your back, then a global liquidity crisis won’t affect your ability to pay for either. If you move to a place because you’re looking for smart people instead of a smart real estate investment, you’re less likely to be suckered by high costs of a “hot” city or neighborhood, and more likely to find the kinds of people willing to serve as a social network, if for no other reason than they’re less busy servicing their mortgages.

I’ve internalized Rushkoff’s idea, which is why I do a lot of community-building stuff wherever I call home, whether it was in Toronto (this blog is effectively a record of all that work) or in my home for the last ten years, Tampa.

When you read Rushkoff’s fanciful idea of printing your own “local currency,” replace that phrase with “social currency.”

While you may want to work on your technical skills to land your next gig, you may also want to work on things like building a network of friends and acquaintances and building goodwill in tech circles. I’ve found that these are just as valuable as any algorithm, data structure, programming language, or framework that I’ve learned.

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Laid off in 2024, part 11: The dreaded non-disparagement clause

Censure, a mural by Dase.
Creative Commons work — tap to view the source.

ℹ️ Remember that I’m not a lawyer; I’m just someone with experience with signing post-employment contracts. None of this should be construed to be legal advice, and if you have any questions about employment law and your specific circumstances, you should consult a lawyer.

What’s a non-disparagement clause?

Sooner or later, you’re going to sign a separation agreement with a soon-to-be former employer. In that separation agreement, you’ll likely find a non-disparagement clause. Even in the sea of legalese of the separation agreement, you’ll recognize it immediately, and it will look something like this:

Non-Disparagement. In compliance with all applicable laws and in exchange for the Severance, you agree and covenant not to defame or criticize the services, business, integrity, veracity, or personal or professional reputation of the Company or any of its directors, officers, employees, affiliates, or agents of any of the foregoing in either a professional or personal manner, or induce others to do so.

Notwithstanding the foregoing, nothing in this agreement shall preclude you from making truthful statements that are required by applicable law, regulation, or legal process.

In plain language, the clause says that in exchange for getting severance, you will not disparage your former employer. In legal terms, “to disparage” means “to criticize, belittle, discredit, dishonor, or lower in esteem.” You are promising to never say anything negative about your former company and possibly a lot of things associated with it, including the services or products it offers, the people who run it, and so on.

Think about it — they’re asking a lot. You’re signing away your right to say, write, or otherwise communicate things about your former employer such as:

  • The people at the C-level’s plans are completely wrong,
  • Their next product launch will fail
  • You think that their stock price is going to plummet
  • Their work environment is unpleasant, the managers micromanage, and they do surveillance on in-office employees and monitor remote employees’ keyboard and mouse activity to make sure that they’re actually working
  • They suck

Basically, you’re promising not to say anything that would harm your former employer’s business or reputation.

Here’s an important notice: the part about “never say anything negative” in a disparagement clause applies even if those negative things are true or just your opinion (“I’m just sayin’, dude”). You are promising to never communicate anything negative about your former company.

What about your free speech rights?

Many countries have some kind of free speech law. For example:

  • In the U.S., where I now live, there’s the First Amendment
  • In Canada, where I spent most of my life, there’s Section 2 of the Charter of Rights and Freedoms
  • In the U.K., Article 10 of the Human Rights Act covers free speech

However, those rights don’t apply to business contracts — otherwise, things like NDAs (non-disclosure agreements) wouldn’t work, and you’re waiving any such rights by signing an NDA or separation agreement.

What happens if you say something negative after agreeing to a non-disparagement clause?

If you sign a separation agreement with your former employer containing a non-disparagement clause and then say, write, or otherwise communicate something negative about your former employer, you will be in breach of contract. I am not a lawyer, but I can still authoritatively tell you that it’s bad news.

The career platform The Muse says that the consequences are usually financial. If your non-disparagement was in exchange your severance, your former employer may demand that severance back. They could also sue for damages, and lawyers can get pretty creative with calculating the financial value of the damage caused by your bad-mouthing.

Would they really go after you for disparagement?

As a consultant, I am qualified to give you the Standard Consulting Answer to that question: It depends.

ℹ️ Again, I remind you: I’m not a lawyer!

Of course, they’d have to find out that you were disparaging them first. Consider these scenarios:

Scenario 1: You and a friend are out for a walk. Your friend asks: “Hey, you worked at EvilCorp. What was it like?” You reply “It was Hell. Don’t work there. The people who run that dump have their heads up their asses, and the only reason they’re still around is a lack of competition and dumb luck.” Probably not a problem.

Scenario 2: Same as Scenario 1, but in a crowded Starbucks. Probably still not a problem.

Scenario 3: Same as Scenario 1, but in a crowded Starbucks right by your former employer’s office. Probably still not a problem, but getting iffy. There’s a chance that someone at your company will overhear you and will take action, or at least snitch to someone who’ll take action.

Scenario 4: You post “Don’t work there. The people who run that dump have their heads up their asses, and the only reason they’re still around is a lack of competition and dumb luck.” using an anonymous throw-away account on Reddit. Iffy. Reddit has a large user base, but the details in your post or your writing style might give you away.

Scenario 5: Same as Scenario 4, but on Blind. Iffy. Blind is anonymous, but its user base is relatively small. There’s a much greater likelihood that what you post or your writing style might give you away.

Scenario 6: Same as Scenario 4, but on Facebook. A little risky if it’s a “friends only” posting, bad if it’s public. This is especially true with companies that have a social media team.

Scenario 7: Same as Scenario 4, but on LinkedIn. Superbad. Lots of people at a company scan for any mention of their company’s name on LinkedIn: social media teams, public relations, marketing, executives, and of course, the legal team.

If they find out, what they do in response depends on all sorts of factors, including:

  • What’s the size of the company? A small one with fewer resources, a big one with a PR, Marketing, and Legal team, or something in between?
  • Are they too busy to be concerned about you, or are they vindictive and lawsuit-happy?
  • What did you say? How much damage did you do to their reputation?
  • Are you worth going after?

Are there exceptions to the non-disparagement clause?

There are, and they include things such as:

  • Reporting a crime committed by someone at your former employer
  • Reporting criminal activity by your former employer
  • Providing negative information about your former employer to law enforcement or a government agency conducting an investigation
  • Filing a workers’ compensation claim

I read somewhere that non-disparagement clauses were rendered invalid in the same way that non-compete laws were. How about that?

I read it somewhere too.

I keep telling you: I am not a lawyer. Go ask one.

What I can definitively tell you, in spite of NOT being a lawyer, is that non-disparagement clauses are still being included in separation agreements, which are contracts. I know, because there was one in the one I signed.

Is there any reason I wouldn’t want to sign a separation agreement with a non-disparagement clause?

I’ve never had such a reason myself, but I’ve seen cases where that might be the case:

  • The reasons listed in the section about exceptions (see above)
  • If you are taking your former employer to court for harassment, bullying, or a similar reason
  • If there is something that the world really, really, really needs to know about your former employer
  • If you’re a free speech absolutist and you can get by without the severance

I’ve spoken with some people who’ve come to me for advice about their non-disparagement agreements because the thought of never saying anything bad about their old company really ground their gears.

In response, I asked them if there were any situations where they’ve opted to shut up rather than speak the truth because it was worth it:

  • Have you ever not said something or refused to answer a question because it was told to you in confidence or protect someone’s privacy? Even if doing so made you look bad or got you into trouble?
  • Have you ever refrained from expressing your true opinion about something because it would make the situation worse?
  • In a discussion with a spouse or partner, are there topics you won’t touch or things you won’t say because bringing them up will just create a world of hurt — or divorce?

This is a call that you have to make for yourself.

So what did you do, Joey?

Here’s what I’ve done with separation agreements that contain non-disparagement clauses. Please keep in mind that I am not a lawyer, and even if I were, I’m not your lawyer, and this is not legal advice:

I signed them.

I’ve also avoided saying, writing, or doing anything negative about those companies. But keep in mind that none of those places were anywhere near bad enough for me to breach the agreement and bad-mouth them to the world.

Even though I’m in a good spot financially and have savings to see me through this kind of situation, I signed and took the severance because any issue I have with my former employer isn’t worth as much as having extra money to extend my financial runway. The current job market is tough, and I want to have the reserves to ride out a long job search.

In my particular case — and remember, everyone’s case is different — I would come off more as an angry Yelp reviewer than an avenging angel if I were to publicly bad-mouth a former employer. To do so would be a waste of my time and effort that could be directed towards better things.

Instead, I moved on with my life to the next success, singing this song along the way…

…except in the part where he yells out “DJ Khaled!” I yell out “Accordion Guy!” instead.

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Laid off in 2024, part 10: Unearned consequences

Gaze upon the face of the enemy!
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If you’ve been laid off — and especially if you’ve been laid off for the first time — you will blame yourself for being laid off. This post is just for you, and it can be summed up as this: you’re probably facing the consequences of someone else’s mistakes.

Case in point: Lars Wingefor — a great name for a minor villain in a James Bond film, by the bye — CEO of the games software publishing company Embracer, said in their recent Q3 earning call that the current waves of layoffs was “something that everyone needs to get through,” but also admitted that “it’s more driven by the overinvestment in the previous years because everyone just put all capital into gaming and perhaps a bit too much capital in a few instances.”

In short: As people who aren’t me or my cronies, you are the ones who must get through the consequences of my misspending.

Embracer’s string of acquisitions has previously been described in the game development press as a “Jenga Tower” in an article where its Chief Strategy Officer Phil Rogers says that the human cost of restructure is “significant” but “necessary.” Seeing as he was still there to be quoted in the article, it’s clear that he didn’t pay much of that cost.

The decision-makers at companies making these layoffs sound like Lord Farquaad from Shrek: “Some of you may die, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

“I’m not crying, you’re crying!!!”
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As bad as the Embracer higher-ups are, they’re mere amateurs compared to Hypersocial’s CEO Braden Wallake, who posted a selfie of him on LinkedIn crying while announcing layoffs. As proof of his shamelessness, that post is still online.

At least the Embracer people had the integrity to simply admit what they were doing without masking it in crocodile tears.

So again: if you’re in a layoff-induced moment of despair, remember that you’re probably facing the consequences of someone else’s mistakes.

The question becomes: What are you going to do about it?

And I’m going to try and provide some answers in the next few articles.

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Laid off in 2024, part 9: The box came back, the very next day…

Remember the company laptop that I packed in a box and sent back to my former employer yesterday? Like some monkey’s paw curse or the cat from children’s song The Cat Came Back, that same box was just delivered… back to my place!

I shipped this from PyCon US back to the place where Auth0 swag goes after conferences.

This is far from my first FedEx rodeo. I’ve shipped lots of stuff in return boxes and crates, and I’m used to the procedure: find the return label, put it in the protective clear plastic sleeve, stick the sleeve onto the package, and you’re done! (See the photo above for an actual real-life example of the many, many packages I have successfully shipped.)

I took a quick look at the shipping label and confirmed my suspicions: the return label had my home address, not my former employer’s head office address! I didn’t even look at the address on the return label and just attached it on “autopilot” — probably because I just wanted to move on to my next gig.

Luckily, I have a duplicate label from the time I returned my original company computer (a 2018-era Intel PowerBook) in exchange for its replacement (a 2022-era M1 Max PowerBook). I can easily stick that label on and make a quick run to the nearby FedEx place.

But why do only that?

Inside every mistake is an opportunity

Forget the debate over whether the Chinese characters for “crisis” actually include the character for “opportunity…”

I have a philosophy that every mistake contains an opportunity. Inspired by an idea from my former coworker Peter Wheeler, I got a Lunar New Year “red envelopes” — hong bao in Mandarin, lai see in Cantonese, and yes, I keep a stash of them for special occasions — put four quarters in it, along with a handwritten message.

Tap to view at full size.

Here’s the text of the message:

Hello, BT person!

I hope all’s well at the mothership. This is a quick note to say thanks for dealing with the box and its contents. It’s a weird time for us all, and I wanted you to know that you are appreciated!

I’ve included a Lunar New Year “red envelope” to say thanks for all you do. There’s a dollar inside for good luck — don’t spend it until next Lunar New Year, or you’ll break the good luck charm!

Your friend and former Oktanaut,
Joey de Villa

The BT department, who manage the company’s business tech and have to handle the intake of hundreds of these returned computers, were also downsized. I had a chance to make someone’s day a little better, so why not?

Of course, this meant opening the box, adding the hong bao and note…

Tap to view at full size.

…and then re-sealing it, but I think it’s worth it.

I’ve sealed the box again, and as I write this, I’m about to head back to the FedEx place to ship it a second time. Wish me luck!

Bonus video

In case you’re not familiar with the son The Cat Came Back, here’s a classic film that Canadian schoolchildren from my generation grew up with that features the song:

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Laid off in 2024, part 8: Step one — get a box…

Step one: get a box!

There comes a time in a laid-off remote worker’s life when they have to return the (remotely disabled) company laptop and other company-owned accoutrements, and for me, that time was today.

A FedEx padded return box arrived at my front door yesterday, for which I had a rather packed schedule. Today’s a little more mellow, so I didn’t pack the box until just a few minutes before I wrote this at 3:00 p.m..

I removed only enough padding foam so that the laptop, power supply, and my badge could fit:

Goodbye, rarely-used passcard. I’ve only used it three times — for offsite meetings in London and Chicago, and then to unload some goodies from Oktane at the head office.

Wasn’t it a 2022 or 2023 thing for laid-off people to write a “goodbye company and coworkers” post on LinkedIn, complete with a photo of their badge? This photo may be a cliché, but it’s my cliché, damn it:

All right, that’s everything. Time to close up the box and take it to the nearest authorized FedEx pickup point…

…but not before seeing if the foam rectangle I removed makes a decent cubist lei. It does not, but at least it matches my shirt!

So long, company laptop, and thanks for all the cycles!

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Laid off in 2024, part 6: The separation agreement / Money, money, money

Last Thursday

For the 400 people who got laid off from Okta on Thursday, February 1 — which includes Yours Truly — last Thursday, February 8 at 5:00 p.m. Pacific Standard Time (8:00 p.m. in my time zone, Eastern Standard Time) was the deadline to sign our separation agreement with the company.

A few of us were able to get our separation agreements reviewed by a lawyer specializing in employment law, and the consensus was that the terms were pretty good. I planned to sign it on the final day — but not until later that day. I wanted to do other, more pleasant things first.

Always take the meeting

One of those plesant things was meeting up with Ed Martin, a friend I know from a number of local Meetup groups, particularly the “Lean Coffee” and “Lean Beer” events that the local agile development groups hold. He’d been laid off the previous month, and reached out to me and asked if I’d like to join him for breakfast. He suggested Trip’s Diner, which is a quick bike ride for me, but quite a drive for him.

ℹ️ If you know someone who’s been laid off recently, reach out to them! You might have no idea how important and helpful that kind of gesture is — read this post to find out more.

It may be a cliché, but it’s solid advice that I live by: Always take the meeting. Sure, there are exceptions, but as a general rule, when someone asks to meet with me and my schedule and circumstances allow, I meet with them. With Ed, the decision’s a no-brainer, because I know him as a person and for doing good work. But I’ve also taken meetings with people I knew little about, and more often than not, the meeting turned out to be enlightening, beneficial, and rewarding — and on more than one occasion, I got a new friend.

Ed and I talked about some ideas, including plans to retool the Tampa Bay Apple Coders Meetup to expand beyond just Swift/iOS programming (I’d been getting only a handful of attendees recently), potential Meetup presentations, and maybe even recording some videos together.

I also tried Trip’s Breakfast Cuban sandwich for the first time and was impressed. Where has this been all my life?

💡 Always take the meeting.

Engage the body, engage the mind

After breakfast, I went for my daily bike ride around the neighborhood, which is also how I do most of the groceries. Since I no longer had any pressing meetings or deadlines, I made it a ten-mile ride instead of my usual ten kilometers (about 6.2 miles).

The combination of the breakfast meeting and extended bike ride must’ve jostled a few extra brain cells, because I came up with an idea, which later turned into a Zoom call, which turned into the classified Tuesday meeting I mentioned in my last post.

💡 Make daily exercise part of your layoff routine — and when you get back to work, make it part of your work routine.

Docusigning my life away

At around 4:30 p.m., I decided that it was time to “sign” the severance agreement — or more accurately, I clicked a couple of items on a Docusign document. It’s probably the best severance agreement I’ve ever signed, but that’s cold comfort.

Then I did what I sometimes do after doing something unpleasant and stressful: I grabbed an instrument and played some music. With my small “beater” accordion strapped on, I put on The Cult’s She Sells Sanctuary and played along (it’s only three chords: D, C, and G) at maximum volume.

(Yup, I recorded it too. It’s going into a future video.)

And now, I’ll talk about money and other goodies when it comes to separation agreements.

Money, money, money (and other goodies)

A separation agreement may entitle you to some of the following:

  • Severance payment
  • PTO payment
  • Health insurance [US-specific]
  • Outplacement services

See what’s in your severance package, and make note of how much payment you’ll get — that, plus whatever you have in the bank (and if you’re lucky, whatever your spouse/partner brings in) is what you’ll be living on.

Severance

If you’re new to the workforce, you might not be familiar with the concept of a severance package. It’s money and/or benefits that your now ex-employer might give you when they fire you or lay you off. Your now ex-employer offers the severance package (or “severance” for short) which comes with a contract. If you agree to the terms in the contract, you sign it and collect the severance. If not, you walk away without the severance.

From an employer’s point of view, they’re doing you a favor by offering severance. Nowhere in the Fair Labor Standards Act does it say an employer has to pay severance to fired or laid-off employees. It’s like tipping: a generally-expected, but not legally required action, and you look bad if you don’t do it.

It’s supposed to help you get by while you look for your next job, and the amount often depends on how long you’ve worked for the company. I’ve seen severance payments equivalent to one week’s worth of pay for each year the employee has been at the company; some people have been lucky enough to get two weeks’ worth for each year. Remember that severance is income, and subject to income tax. If you get it all at once, it might put you in a higher tax bracket — see if you can get it in installments.

If you’ve been laid off, get the details about your severance package ASAP. Your severance package, plus whatever money you have in the bank, will determine how much “runway” you have.

Now that I’ve given you the cold, rational explanation of what severance is, allow me to provide a hotter perspective…

“A severance package is blood money.”

Blood Money by Damian Gadal.
Creative Commons — click to see the source.

Ethan Evans, a retired Amazon VP, wrote the best, harshest summary of severance that I’ve ever seen. Here it is, lifted straight off a LinkedIn post he wrote last week:

The second time I was laid off, my severance package paid our rent while I hunted for a job in the terrible economy of 2003. Almost all companies offer a severance package when they perform a layoff, but what you may not know is that they are negotiable.

Companies offer a severance package to try to avoid getting sued. The essence of a package is a bribe to sign a bunch of documents that control your behavior after you leave. The company knows they have a lot of leverage at this point, because they just took away your job, and thus your paycheck. They know that for most people an offer of money in exchange for some signatures will be a good deal.

Often what you are being asked to sign does not matter much. A reminder to honor your confidentiality agreement for example, and if you have one, a non-solicitation (don’t poach talent or clients) agreement.

They will also ask you to give up any right to sue them over being laid off. And again, for most people, this is a reasonable thing to do. Unless you have really strong grounds, you will rarely get much in a lawsuit over a layoff.

But, the important part is that HR has a job, which is to get you to sign. What they offer you is their initial offer.

If you ask for more, you can probably get more.

If you give them a plausible reason to give you more, you can likely raise the offer.

Reasons like having just relocated, or being on a visa, or basically anything that makes them feel like bad people for having fired you.

You see, a severance package is blood money. It is a cash apology for screwing you over. It is a way for both the people and the company to tell themselves that they “did right” by you.

So if you can up their sense of guilt, the sense that you in particular were harmed and vulnerable, they will generally up the offer.

To the HR person or the manager, giving you another month of pay and healthcare doesn’t come out of their pockets. They can buy down their guilt and your anger or tears with someone else’s dollars. That is an emotional deal for them to make with themselves. So they can sleep easily at night that they “did the right thing.”

If you’re feeling hesitant about negotiating your severance payment, read the passage above a couple of times.

PTO payment

You may or may not get payment for unused paid time off (vacation time and sick days). If you’re in the US, see if your state requires payment for leftover PTO days.

Health insurance [US-specific]

Since you no longer have an employer, you no longer have employer-provided health insurance. That’s where COBRA — the Consolidate OmniBus Reconciliation Act (you know some policy wonk spent a lot of time and brain cells coming up with that acronym) — comes in. It lets you continue your employer-provided healthcare for 18 or 36 months after you lose your job, depending on the circumstances.

Outplacement services

Many companies, because doing so makes for nice optics, will cover the costs of career counseling/coaching, resume-writing assistance, and other services of this ilk. This is a nicety, but it can be helpful.

Extending your runway

Wikimedia commons photo by “Paullymac.”
Click to see the source.

You may be out of work for a while, which means you’ll be out of income for a while. One of your assignments will be to stretch your dollar.

Save your home (homeowner’s version)

If you’re a homeowner and your layoff puts you in danger of missing a mortgage payment, you have a couple of options.

Mortgage forbearance is a short-term solution. It’s an agreement that you make with your lender to temporarily make smaller monthly mortgage payments or suspend those payments entirely. It’s not a discount or a freebie! You still have to pay what you owe, including accrued interest, but you’ll avoid missing a payment and the associated late fees, and more importantly, your lender won’t foreclose on your home.

Loan modification is a long-term solution. Like forbearance, it’s an agreement that you make with your lender, but the agreement is to do something like lowering the interest rate or extending the term of the loan.

ℹ️ For more, see the Nerdwallet article What to Do If You Can’t Pay Your Mortgage.

Save your home (renter’s version)

If you’re a renter and your layoff puts you in danger of missing a rent payment, let your landlord know — in writing. You’ll need to come up with an agreement with them to temporarily reduce the amount you’re paying, such as:

  • Making smaller payments each month
  • Deferring payment (but not for long)
  • Covering rent with your security deposit

ℹ️ For more, see the Apartmentguide article How to Talk to Your Property Manager if You Get Laid Off. It’s from April 2020 — about a month into the pandemic lockdowns — but its advice still applies.

General spending

Look at your monthly spending and see where you can reduce it:

  • Look at your credit card statements for the last six months and find out what your monthly average is.
  • Look at the items on those statements — which are essential, and which are discretionary? What can you cut or at least reduce?
  • Look again for subscriptions and subscription services, keeping in mind that you may be paying for things on autopilot that you’ve completely forgotten about or are ignoring (gym memberships are a notable culprit). You should be able to find things you can cancel.
  • Stop (or at least cut back on) eating out or ordering in.

Find all the people or organizations that bill you regularly and negotiate with them:

  • Call your credit card companies and ask if you’re eligible for a lower rate.
  • Call your cable, phone, and internet providers and ask to speak to the cancellation team — say you’ll cancel or switch to a competitor if they can’t offer a better rate.

Investments

[US-specific] You have four options with your 401(k):

  • You can leave it where it is. You can’t make any more contributions to it, and you might pay higher fees because you’re no longer an employee.
  • You can eventually roll it into your next employer’s 401(k) plan.
  • You can also roll it into an IRA (Individual Retirement Account). If you roll it into a Roth IRA, you’ll owe taxes on the amount; if you roll it into a traditional IRA, you’ll pay those taxes later.
  • You could also cash it out — but unless your financial situation is dire, do not do this.

If they’re worth it — and you can afford to do so — exercise your vested stock options. Forget any unvested options; they disappeared the moment your job ended. As for the vested ones, the clock is ticking — you’ll have a limited time (typically 30 – 90 days) in which to exercise them. Once that period’s gone, so is your opportunity to exercise.

Also in this series…