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Notes from a Client Call

Polycom conference calling phoneFrom The Journal of Joe the Peacock, here are some selections from some thoughts that came to him during a conference call with a potential client that was chock full o’ warning signs:

  • Facebook isn’t the internet, dipshit.
  • Oh for chrissake… AJAX is NOT A LANGUAGE, and you CANNOT “code” A WEBSITE IN IT.
  • You want four million users by DECEMBER?? You have four hundred active licenses for your product currently! Nothing – and I mean NOTHING – is going to add four zeros to the end of that number in three months short of hiring Arthur Anderson to handle the bookkeeping.
  • Wait… First you wanted to clone Digg… Then you wanted to “add the social aspects of Facebook to it,” and NOW you want it to be Wikipedia? Where the HELL did you spend your morning? In the “Web 2.0 Company Names to Memorize” symposium sponsored by the local Linux Enthusiasts club?
  • Did you really just say you’re going to use ISS on Vista because it’s more reliable than Apache? Really? Cause, like, you know you can run Apache on Windows, right?
  • Oh, there it is… The three letters I’ve been waiting for… IPO.
  • Oh. Great. The Director of Development also owns the outsourced programming company we’d use in Romania. How… Convenient. Sounds like he’s the only one in this entire group who’s actually thinking about how to make a profit here.
  • Is it impolite to just hang up and not return the call, or should I begin crafting my “No thanks” speech?
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“Facehooked” T-Shirt Design

“Facehooked” T-shirt design by Luke Ramsey

[Found via Illustration Friday] Luke Ramsey submitted this “Facehooked” design to Threadless. Let’s hope it becomes available soon!

Want to see another cool T-shirt design? There’s one on my personal blog, The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century.

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ThinkGeek’s 8-Bit Tie

ThinkGeek’s 8-bit tie, modelled by an emo geek.
Cheer up, emo geek!

Looking for a present for a geek who like (or needs) to dress up? How about ThinkGeek’s 8-bit tie? It’s a clip-on, so it’s easy to wear, and polyester microfiber, so it’s easy to clean. Yours for US$19.95 at ThinkGeek.

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“This is How You Treat Your Customers”

Sign for “Hell” with icicles hanging from it.

A refrain we use quite often here at Global Nerdy is that Microsoft’s consumer offerings make you feel as though you’re dining from the table scraps from the dumpsters of the customers they really love: corporate drones running Office, Exchange and SQL Server. However, there are a couple of bright spots in their more recent consumer items:

This move isn’t just uncharacteristic of Microsoft, but in light of the recent Appledickery — that is, Apple’s war against its own fans — it’s downright inspired:

Twenty years ago, the portable music player of the time — the Walkman — could only be a Walkman since it was a single-purpose hardware whose sole task was to play cassette tapes. That era’s video players, cellular phones and handheld electronic games also faced the same mechanical limitation — each device could only perform its intended task. Under the hood, each of these device types was quite different.

These days, there isn’t much that separates music players, video players, phones and handheld electronic games. While the user interfaces are different, they’re all just general-purpose computers that vary in processing power and memory. This fact is not lost on the vendors, but many are hoping that consumers are still stuck on the mechanical-era “upgrade treadmill” mindset. Apple seems to be thinking this way, but Microsoft apparently isn’t. Kudos to Microsoft for treating their early adopters properly.

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One Day Left to Bid on “Ms. Master Chief”

“Master Chief” from Halo as a hot woman.
Click the photo to see the eBay page.

Ever wondered what Halo’s “Master Chief” would look like if he was a hot woman? Ever wondered how much you might bid on eBay for a statuette of a hot woman version of Master Chief? You’ve got until tomorrow — October 4th, 2007, 6:47:07 p.m. Pacific Daylight Time — to place your bid.

10% of the final price will be donated to the American Breast Cancer Foundation. The current bid as of this writing is US$2,222.

[via Forever Geek.]

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“Super Mario Galaxy’s” Intro Sequence

Super Mario Galaxy: definitely not your father’s “Mario”!


Can’t see the video? Click here.

As you can see, this is the Japanese version of the game. Note that while all the mushrooms’ dialogue bubbles are in Japanese, the Princess’ “Help!” dialogue bubble (as well as her yelling) is in English.

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Software Branching and Parallel Universes

“Savage Chickens” comic: “What if your life is boring in all the parallel universes?”


Over at his blog Coding Horror, Jeff Atwood talks about what’s probably the trickiest part of version control: branching.
He quotes the Subversion docs’ layperson-friendly explanation of branching:

Suppose it’s your job to maintain a handbook for a particular division of your company. One day a different division asks you for the same handbook– but with a few parts modified specifically for them, as they do things slightly differently.

What do you do in this situation? You do the obvious thing: you make a second copy of your document, and begin maintaining the two copies separately. As each department asks you to make small changes, you incorporate them into one copy or the other. But you often find yourself wanting to make the same change to both copies. For example, if you discover a typo in the first copy, it’s very likely that the same typo exists in the second copy. The two documents are almost the same, after all; they only differ in small, specific ways.

This is the basic concept of a branch — a line of development that exists independently of another line, yet still shares a common history. A branch always begins life as a copy of something, and moves on from there, generating its own history.

If branching reminds you of parallel universes, you’re not alone. Parallel universes are a staple of science fiction and geek literature, from the Star Trek episode where Spock has a Fu Manchu-style beard to that oddball Gwyneth Paltrow movie to the out-of-continuity comics like Marvel’s What If… and DC’s Elseworlds series. Jeff finds “parallel universes” to be a handy analogy for explaining branching. (He also cites some comic book classics featuring parallel universes for geek bonus points.)

He lists a number of approaches to branching (or “branching patterns”, if you prefer), complete with diagrams. I’ve gathered the diagrams and placed them into a single graphic below — he describes each in a little more detail.

Diagrams of different branching patterns, by Jeff Atwood.

Branching is tricky, but if you’re not making use of it, you’re missing out on one of version control’s most important benefits. As Jeff puts it:

Still, I urge developers to make an effort to understand branching– really understand it– and explore using branching strategies where appropriate on their projects. Done right, the mental cost of the branching tax pales in comparison to the benefits of concurrent development it enables. Embrace the idea of parallel universes in your code, and you may find that you can get more done, with less risk. Just try to avoid a crisis on infinite codebases while you’re at it.

Cross-posted to the Tucows Developer Blog.